i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
