I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
