she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
