Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
