Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
