and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
