So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
