I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
