I CAN MOONWALK!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
