this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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