Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize