we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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