The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
