i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
