grandma shit on top of the toilet
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
