Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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