She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
