I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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