His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
