i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
