Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
