This is not my ceiling
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
