eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
