More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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