We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
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cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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