Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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