These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
