I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize