i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
