organizing the empties. That sober.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
