I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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