I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
