Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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