He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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