its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
