I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
