I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We were destined to go to rehab together
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
