he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
