Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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