u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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