Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
