You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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