the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
