also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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