tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
