I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
