Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
