ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Barsexuality is the new black.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
