glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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