Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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