i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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