I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
