WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
