I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she smelled like a LAN party
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
