I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
