after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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