my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
