apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
