Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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