what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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