Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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