He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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