Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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