DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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