party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
