I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
