Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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