I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
