Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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