Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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