That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
